I was parched as some high intensity heat beating down on my head. I walked black concrete down long shallow roads. The roads extended out of my pupil, peering on the roadside out my window. My head veered over as I feel a blank fog covering my mind. Forgetting every important task that I could not complete today. I almost felt a sense of hopelessness overtake me.
Before I decide to act out on my day, I had thoughts that we’re hurt. These thoughts had me feel hopeless. Even while doing this, I still lose stuff in the process. These issues was really affecting my confidence. To the point I could not even feel human. It was hard to even explain to the people around me what was going on.
That is when I knew I had to take a stand. At this point I tried getting high to take away the stress. When I started smoking, it created a happy place. This happy place put me on the path to do. I kept moving, not thinking about the thoughts that we’re dulling me like an old knife. As soon as the high wore off, I fell down with the high. The high was an ode to kiss my worries behind.
They say I needed good problem solving skills. The problem solving skills I had we’re not sufficient. My life was not as easy as one+one, then all my problems would be solved. My self-consciousness was often over bloated to the point I could not see out myself. I had so many problems going on in my world, it held me back.
This is what adult hood felt like. It did not mirror that of my carefree days. This almost felt like a mental sickness swallowing my being. This was the man in the mirror going to dust. I really could not even reach out to people. I did not knew we’re to fucking start. Being over bloated my weight losing routine consist of smoking big spliffs. The spliffs we’re great to lose the density despaired in my mind.
As I smoke the band aid that lead me to bliss. I wrote down the reasons of why I couldn’t focus internally to come out on top. These behaviors often lead me to other ill behaviors. Which was drinking. My stresses I laid out on this paper we’re simple. The simplicity of what I wrote could not be corrected over night.
What I did was simply, change actions to a better me. I had to give out my whys on how becoming better could keep me from the brink of self-destruction. Letting the last of my weed burn down to the tail. I said accountability has to be one of the options for my actions. If I don’t embrace this, I will surely fall to the bottom as I once did.