Finding Light In The Darkness…My Mental State Is not reality

Depression

 

Losing yourself is losing something that can not be put into a dollar amount. I myself lost people and status that I treasured the most, causing me to realize the importance of time. These things that were apart of my identity is now gone , challenging me to reinterpret life and myself. As my mind sits, ruminating on the outcomes of today from the problems of tomorrow, I noticed that created a sense of worry. Thinking on the non-existent, instead of the present moment. Also, from me being idle, that is when my imagination takes a hold. I can see the depths of my demons, wondering should I end it all today. When that is not the case, I just need to experience more within life instead of anticipation wash me underneath the tormented sea.

I sometimes believe my mind suffers from schizophrenia, as I can hear chants in my head. These chants tell me that, “I have enemies waiting to gun me down on my next move”. The random images that pop into my head then it happens within the next time frame, affirming me that my thoughts is real. When in reality(that exist outside of my own), I need to escape from my world. I put to much value into my thoughts, which is why my physical being will suffer. I suggest to myself, instead of living in the “Fifth dimension“, I need to live in the physical realm of existence. I challenge those that are reading this to go seek happiness, or succumb to the fear of your own mental prison. I became happier as I seek for new relationships and reinvent myself within life. It helps keeps my mind balance and take myself out of my thoughts. Although they still come back to haunt me, the will to fight them is what keeps my sanity. 

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